You know how young boys are when they want to "express" themselves? Well, this is a true story about one of my boys who was entering that transition from boyhood to manhood.
Brad had the most innocent face. He was olive complected with blonde hair, a winning smile,blue eyes. Seems like I was always fighting the girls off. They'd call, drop by, or just sit on the front porch and wait for him to get home.
He finally turned eighteen and thought he knew it all. You know what I mean? He'd find an answer for everything, just for the sake of arguing. If he knew he was in a verbal losing battle, his comment would be,"well, I'll just move out!" That was supposed to be our punishment. I thought about it for awhile and soon began dreaming of the day when I'd find the lid on the toothpaste, no dirty underwear on the floor, no smelly socks by the couch in the living room, or dirty dishes under his bed, and God forbid that I would never smell Brute after shave again! When he was out of school his dad told him there would be no sleeping until noon then hanging on the phone all afternoon. He got him a job with a freight company and told him he would now pay $50.00 a week rent. "Well,I'll just move out then!" Here we go again!
He and his dad were always bickering back and forth. I think they really loved each other too hard sometimes. They just couldn't see eye to eye on much of anything. They finally came to the agreement that Brad would pay me his rent. That way his dad would never touch "his money." Foolish? Yes, but it saved a lot of tense moments between them.
I was doing some weeding in the back yard one day when Brad came out and sat down in the lawn chair near me. He'd just woke up and still had that sweet little sleepy boy look.
"I've been thinking Mom," he said. "Be careful not to hurt yourself," was my reply. He flashed me a grin then went back to his serious face. We chatted about nothing much. I knew he was wanting to tell me something and was working up to it. He told me about his job and how he was thinking of giving me so much a week to put toward a car, maybe move to his own place.(Here we go again!) Finally he said, Mom, what I really want right now is a boa! A what?!! "Do you mean boa, as in snake?" I said quickly.
"yeah Mom, I'd feed it and take care of it. I'd keep it in the garage so you wouldn't even have to see it. If I had a boa I could get a band going maybe, you know, like Alice Cooper? Oh please Mom, please? I'll do ALL the yard work, even the house work too. I'll clean the kitchen every night and even wash my own clothes! What do you think Mom? You could talk dad into it. He'll do it for you if you ask him!" Now I know I should have held my tongue.This was a golden opportunity for a teaching lesson. I see that now, but all I could think of was to put a stop to it before it went any further. "Bradley,as long as your living under this roof you may NOT get a boa and that's final." His face fell. "Well then, I'll just move out!"He stomped off in a huff. I was still shaking my head when his dad came through the back door. He looked at me. "Don't even ask," I said, knowing full well that wasn't the end of it. I was right. For the next few weeks Brad dropped subtle messages for my ears only.
A bachelor apartment came up for rent across the alley from us. Brad was all worked up about getting it and finally we agreed to let him give it a try.It had a large living room with a pull out couch that made into a bed, a tiny bath and kitchenette. I figured if he needed us, we coulc be there in a second. Of course he still took his meals at our house and I still did his laundry. No need to be too independent. A few weeks passed and he never asked to borrow the sweeper or dust rag so one day I asked him if he'd like me to vacuum his apartment. I think every bit of the color drained out of his face. Oh nooooooooo!! He wouldn't dream of asking me to do that, why, he'd just now come over to get the sweeper because he was going to do it himself! I was busy and didn't give it much thought. Later that evening I needed tosweep so wentover to get it. He had his stereo turned up as loud as he could get it. I heard him singing his heart out. It made me smile to know he was that happy and content.I knocked on the door and it swung open. He wasn't expecting me. He stood there speechless, with a boa around his neck! Words fell out of his mouth so fast I couldn't understand everything he said, but I did get $100.00 and pet store. I just turned around and headed toward our gate. I made it to the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee. I heard Brad come up the back steps. "You'd better not have that snake Brad!" He didn't.
"Bradley I'm going to tell you right now, don't you EVER come into my yard with that snake! I don't want to ever see it again, do I make myself clear?" He whispered yes, got his laundry and left. I couldn't remember how long it had been since I'd been that angry. His dad found me sitting at the table still fuming. Of course I had to be the one to tell him and let me tell you, he was NOT a happy camper!
A couple of weeks passed. I heard Brad's front door slam. He came storming into the kitchen. He told me he'd spent all morning looking for the snake. It was lost somewhere in his apartment. "Well don't look at me! I'm not going to help you look for it!" He later found it up in under the couch. I wasn't sure where he was keeping it. I knew he didn't have a glass case for it. Well, I wasn't going to start worrying about an ugly snake!
Things were pretty quiet for awhile. We'd kind called a truce between us. I was shoveling my mulch pile one morning when Brad came through the gate. I could tell by the look on his face that something had ruffled his feathers. "What's wrong?" I asked.
"It's that snake! It peed all over me Mom!"I shrugged my shoulders."You should have house broke it when you first got it," I said absently. "House break it? Whadda ya mean Mom? You can't house break a snake!" I leaned on my shovel."A snakes a snake." I said. "My grandmother taught me how to house break snakes and now I can do it in less than a minute!" Brad looked at me like I'd gone bonkers."No way!You can not! Nobody can!" I looked at my boy. He tried so hard to be grown up. "Put your money where your mouth is kiddo. Isn't that what you're always telling your frinds? You think you're so cool and know it all!" He pulled a dollar bill out of his pocket. "All I got is a dollar but I'll bet a dollar that you can't do it!" Hm-m-m, a whole dollar? "Ok.I bet you I can house break that snake in less than a minute, and I will guarantee you that it will never pee on you again! Where's the snake?" We started back across the alley. "I threw it down in the yard!" he said bitterly. "Brad, didn't I tell you not to bring it outside? You'd better hope you can find it or your going to be in big trouble!" I was watching where I stepped when suddenly I saw its tail sticking out from under the house."Brad, its trying to go under your apartment! Grab it!" He grabbed its tail and began pulling with all his might.The snake must have wrapped itself around a pipe or something because it was not budging. Brad held it taunt. I walked up behind him. Crunch! My shovel deftly sliced the snake into! Brad stood there holding its tail up in the air. "Mom! he hollered. "You killed my snake! I paid $100.00 for that snake and you just chopped it into!" I looked at him innocently."Speaking of money Brad, I'll take that dollar now." I held out my hand. "But you killed it Mom. You didn't house break it!" "Oh but you're wrong son. I told you I could house break it within a minute and I even guaranteed you that it would never pee on you again, I fulfilled my side of the bet, so what's your problem Mr.Know-it-all? It will never pee on you again!" He pulled the dollar out of his pocket and Itook it from his hand, smiled sweetly at him, turned around and sauntered back across the alley and through the gate.
